REPOST: “Skyfall”

Bond is back.

Skyfall, the 23^rd entry in the 007 franchise, comes to us six years after Daniel Craig’s debut as James Bond in Casino Royale, and four years after the interesting, but developmentally-compromised Quantum of Solace, and with itwe finally get the James Bond film we have been waiting for: a return to all the things that make this franchise so beloved—gadgets, girls, foreign locations, intrigue—but also a film possessed of an emotional nuance not seen before in the franchise. It’s also finally recognized what the past 17 years of Bond films have mostly missed: the best Bond girl is Judi Dench.

Now on DVD: “Skyfall”

[To coincide with the DVD release, here is my original review of Skyfall]

Bond is back.

Skyfall, the 23^rd entry in the 007 franchise, comes to us six years after Daniel Craig’s debut as James Bond in Casino Royale, and four years after the interesting, but developmentally-compromised Quantum of Solace, and with itwe finally get the James Bond film we have been waiting for: a return to all the things that make this franchise so beloved—gadgets, girls, foreign locations, intrigue—but also a film possessed of an emotional nuance not seen before in the franchise. It’s also finally recognized what the past 17 years of Bond films have mostly missed: the best Bond girl is Judi Dench.

A 143 minute-long orgasm: “Skyfall”

Bond is back.

Skyfall, the 23^rd entry in the 007 franchise, comes to us six years after Daniel Craig’s debut as James Bond in Casino Royale, and four years after the interesting, but developmentally-compromised Quantum of Solace, and with itwe finally get the James Bond film we have been waiting for: a return to all the things that make this franchise so beloved—gadgets, girls, foreign locations, intrigue—but also a film possessed of an emotional nuance not seen before in the franchise. It’s also finally recognized what the past 17 years of Bond films have mostly missed: the best Bond girl is Judi Dench.

An open letter to MGM/UA (or whomever)

I take it from the above-displayed photo that you didn’t read my Open Letter to Mark Forster (or Whomever), nor did you elect to hire me on the latest 007 film, Skyfall as a “special consultant on firearms and other awesome stuff,” as I advertised my services in my numerous daily e-mails to your corporate offices. Honestly, I feel your reply was somewhat uncalled for. Really, how does a franchise obtain a restraining order? I don’t think that’s possible. And Gunmonkey is a perfectly appropriate name—particularly when the owners of said franchise are named after a vegetable so reviled that a former US President went on record saying he refused to eat it.

He’s quiet enough…occasionally kills people: “The American”

Once more, I’m gonna warn you from the offset that this review is going to spoil The American. Like Moon, there’s really no other way talk about this film without giving away its ending. If you’ve come to this review looking for advice whether or not you should see the American, then here you go: yeah, you should see it. Just don’t go in expecting a thrill-ride or a George Clooney-led Bourne Identity knockoff. It’s slow and meditative and character-driven. It’s gorgeous to look at, too. Plus there’s a ton of chick nudity, which, you know,  always helps.

An open letter to Marc Forster (or whomever)

(for an update on Bond’s choice of armament in Skyfall click here…)

What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? Whose fucking brilliant idea was it to re-arm Bond with the Walther PPK for this outing? No, really, I want names. I wanna know who I need to punch in the groin. Have you not been watching the past ten years of Bond films? He switched over to the Walther P99 ten years ago. And for good reasons, you cockbags.